Tuesday, October 6th, 2020

The streetlight on the walkway past the kindergartens is out. On my way to work, that’s OK. When I walk home, it’s a problem. The path has two sets of stairs, one with about six steps, one with something like four. The flat part of the walk is safe. It gets enough light from nearby apartments and the moon. The steps, in the dark, spawn illusions. Both sets of steps lead downward on my path toward home. Each uses two different kinds of paving. They look about the same as the shadows and the pale moonlight. I move carefully as I approach the first set. I tend to anticipate the stairs too early. I step forward, expecting my foot to meet the ground a few inches lower than it does. I’m wrong. My foot hits the paving stone too soon. If I didn’t prepare myself for this possibility, I would stumble. I’m ready. I know that I might make this mistake. When I do reach the first step, my foot finally landing lower than it had, I reach out to my left. There’s a metal banister, invisible in the darkness, about as high as my elbow. I find it and hold on. I step down again, then further down. I never remember the exact number of steps. I make a matching mistake at the bottom. My foot hits the paving stone where I expect a few inches more of air. I wobble slightly, then straighten up. I head for the second staircase, a few meters ahead. The banister on this one is too low for me to reach while walking. The canopy of trees is thinner here. A little more light splatters onto the stones. I can just about make out the edges of the steps. I walk as carefully as I did before. As often as not, I also guess the start of the steps wrong here. I stumble, but I know how to recover. Without a banister, I have to rely on memory and what inner balance I retain. I feel as if I’m on a tightrope at the circus, performing for the cats and birds. Another step, then three or four or five more, and I’m back on solid ground. I stand tall and walk more confidently. Here, of course, where there is no more danger, the streetlights are working just fine.